Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Top 15 Things NOT To Say

I get to speak in church Sunday which is Father's Day and as I was looking for stories about fathers I came across this.

Top 15 Things NOT To Say During Childbirth
1. "Y’know, looking at her, you’d never guess that Demi Moore had a baby!"
2. "Gosh, you’re lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth."
3. "Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts?"
4. "I hope your ready. The Glamour Shot photographer will be here in fifteen minutes."
5. "If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing basketball."
6. "That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner?"
7. "When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar."
8. "Let’s see if they’ll let us take one of these hospital gowns for you to wear around the house."
9. "You don’t need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment."
10. "This whole experience kind of reminds me of an episode from I Love Lucy."
11. "Oops! Which cord was I supposed to cut?"
12. "Stop your swearing and just breathe."
13. "Remember what we learned in Lamaze class! HEE HEE HOO HOO. You’re not using the right words."
14. "Your stomach still looks like there’s another one in there."
15. "You don’t have the guts to pull that trigger."

4 comments:

Amber said...

Good luck with your talk! My mom gets to speak as well.

Michelle said...

That was hilarious!! =) Good luck on Sunday!! I hate talking in church.. I always get SO nervous!! =) Don't you?? I'll be thinking about you!! Let me know how it all goes!! =D

Carl and Steph said...

I too get to speak on Father's Day. I am, well, not excited, but not dreading it. This is the first time speaking in our branch for me. I liked the phrase "14. "Your stomach still looks like there’s another one in there."

Jeff said...

Becca's also speaking in church tomorrow. Good luck.
I actually said something similar to one of those when Bec was in labor with Emily.